Here I Go Again (On My Own)

I've just joined Oxjam; it's a charity thing (in cahoots with Oxfam obviously) which lets musicians arrange gigs/join other gigs to raise money for Oxfam. I'm just reading about it now so I'm not 100% sure how it works but it sounds interesting and may also get me some more gigs for a good cause (not just free beer!).

Had another "work" night out in M last night. ST and TS both got incredibly drunk (even by their standards) and I actually thought ST might be dead for a while today. But he's turned up safe and sound luckily.

No vomiting last night for anyone, though I suspect there was probably some this morning. I pulled a girl dressed as a robot. It was her birthday; I don't know her name (all she would say was that it was "Robot") and she was 22/23. I didn't get her phone number. Ah well.

I suspect one of my colleagues may have been a bit naughty with someone she shouldn't have (i.e. not her boyfriend) but don't know for sure and can't judge certainly. I told her one of the embarrassing stories I'd promised I'd tell but got away without telling the other (more embarrassing) one

Pretty slow week generally, not much to report. Except for friday night-RM came around again and this time he brought a full drumkit with him! So we recorded another version of a song entitled 'Overwhelming Me'. Granted we got the drumming out of the way as early as possible to avoid upsetting the neighbours....but it turned out very well anyway.

After this, as an exercise, we decided to write a song. So RM chose a title from my list form my list of song title ideas, we picked a key (D) and a rough tempo and went our separate ways; me to write a verse and RM to write a chorus.

10 minutes later RM had a chorus and I had 3 verses So we had a couple of run-throughs then taped a rough recording of our brand new song. And I have to say it turned out pretty well. Apart from one microphone falling on RM whilst we were recording!

Then we went to the club. Found out that AM is moving in with a girl he has been dating for 6 weeks. DG is moving back home to his parents (although I have suggested he take my spare room). And MW got thrown out of the club for having a drink thrown over him! Very random....

I received a call from TJ last night telling me about the death of his former bands former drummer. This guy was a fantastic drummer, a local boy and, although I never met him, always came across in interview etc as a nice bloke. And he was 39! Barely 39 at that....so we've all been a bit shocked all day. News broke this morning and has quickly appeared over the internet (for he also drummed for some very famous people!) and I've been reading some really nice tributes.

I guess that's it really-kinda made me think about mortality, life, the universe and everything, i.e.

Q) Would you want to know when you were going to die?
A)I've been considering this and I really don't think I'd like to know. Granted I did once take a test on the internet which told me I'd shuffle of this mortal coil in November 2063 but I choose not to place too much faith on it. It did in fact tell me the exact date but I forgot which day in November it was. I guess that'll be a fun month for me

Woohoo – I have got myself a paid solo acoustic gig. On Boxing Day! And I’m very excited; have started thinking about songs and setlists etc….what to play, what not to play, songs to cover, which of my original songs I should do! So much to consider! Who to invite, and more specifically who not to invite. I’m figuring quite a lot of my friends will be home for Christmas so could potentially be there. Argh!

I'm very tired today; On friday I had a night out in M with ST, RK and LH. Started on the champagne at 5pm and never looked back. The SU had shooters at £1.50 each and we all found "Feeling Fruity" to be particularly agreeable. We also have a new motto for the office which is "Put it on the problem sheet". I guess you had to be there....

Hung out in M for the day recovering then went to H to see KR. Regrettably she's lived there for nearly three years now and this was the first time I've been! Still, we also get very drunk. Went to a night club called Welly (or Wellies) where I talked loads of complete strangers into drinking a cocktail called Jelly Baby. I also was successfully chatting up and attractive 30 year old whose name I have sadly forgotten. But I'd gone to visit KR so had to make the friend/bird decision. I chose friend and I'm proud of myself. I kinda wish I'd asked for the girls number though! Oh well.

This morning I woke up, still drunk, face to face with a Hello Kitty doll. All I could say was "please tell me we didn't......?!?!?!".

This afternoon we went to see Kevin Smith's new film "Zach And Miri Make A Porno". And it was very good, not quite Clerks II good but funny nonetheless. And then I drove home.

All in all I had a great weekend actually. Far too booze than is probably healthy but there you go.....

One month. That's apparently the answer to the question I asked last week. I'm currently on 9 days! However I did explain how it took me almost a month from break-up to changing my status on facebook for various reasons (including denial). So I think I might call my love guru and ask her advice.

I've just written a great song called 'Saved' which I am immensely proud of. Sat down with a guitar, capo on the fourth fret and poured my little heart out. Listening back the verses could maybe use a little edit but the chorus is ace! Now it just has to pass my "one week" test whereby I don't listen to it or play it for a week and see if I still like it.

I think I have become addicted to 'It's Only Pain' by Katie Melua. Again. I fell in love with the song when it was first released (back in '06 I think) and have recently re-discovered it. Was very surprised to discover that it's not on her new "Best-of" collection. Quite why someone who has only released 3 albums feels justified for a "Best-of" is beyond me though....

My songwriting has continued; two more songs entitled 'It's Only You, It's Only Me' and 'Come Home'. And both of them are 100% about LS-I really thought I had stopped writing about her. And I've put my name down for an acoustic gig at TCA. The circle is complete.

Fuck it, I've said I'll be completely honest. I have decided to ring LS. I want to see her, I don't want to be the person who sits and regrets not doing or saying anything. And if she's not interested at least I tried. Obviously there'll be complications (geographically for a start!). But frankly she's worth it as far as I am concerned.

SW is gone. Luckily.

I dwell on things far too much. Should really just crack on and do the things I'm thinking about. And speak my mind rather than just keeping silent. Will see how that pans out.

And finally, two new albums leaked today; The Killers' Day And Age and Guns 'n' Roses Chinese Democracy! Yes you read that right. I have pre-ordered both anyway so feel justified in downloading them. Amazingly the The Killers album didn't leak until it went on sale in Japan this morning. Quite remarkable. I have to say I'm enjoying the The Killers album a lot more than the GnR one. Sorry Axl.............

Q: What is an appropriate length of time to allow someone who has just split up with their boyfriend (of approx 1-1.5 years) before pursuing them romantically?

Hypothetically speaking of course

When I was a kid I used to get really bad ear aches not long before a thunderstorm. I don't remember exactly when it stopped but I think it had gone by the time I was 18.

Today I have real bad ear ache in my right ear. Tried using a cotton bud but ti seems pretty clear. It just aches a lot! So I'm wondering if I have regained this magical skill or if I just have random ear ache.

I say "magical"; I realise it's much more likely to be something to do with the changing air pressure.

Hmmm, had a busy few days and haven't quite been able to blog. So where to begin?

I guess I'll start at the top. Went to see Ryan Adams on Thursday night and he (and the his band The Cardinals) were fantastic. The gig was in the new Academy in Leeds. I went with ND; before we set off I told him a funny story about how when I first started driving, every time I went to Leeds I ended up driving into the A&E section of the city hospital. Well I think you can guess what happened! Even with a satnav! I still don't know how it happened but I couldn't have planned it better!

Anyway the gig was very Easy Tiger/Cardinolgy heavy which was a good thing in my mind, although there were some excellent other songs form his other albums which were equally good. And the band really were amazing too. RA fans have been raving about the show and I'm not surprised. Definitely one of the best gigs I've ever been to.

Oh, and I recklessly parked in a loading bay for the night. And got away with it

On Wednesday night I met up with SW. Possibly against my better judgement admittedly. At her request we came to my house and I taught her some very basic guitar, and I had a really good time. I seem to tell a lot of embarrassing stories about myself (as I do when I'm nervous) but we never stopped laughing. No sex, but lots of kissing and groping. And I feel soooo guilty about lying about my age, but I didn't confess. In fact, I even told a story about someone else who did the same thing and only lied by 4 years! Hmmm, I have the distinct feeling this will end in tears!

Oh, and I am surprised that no-one has told me about LS yet. Even though I know there are at least 2 people I thought would mention it to me. But maybe one of them hasn't for selfish reasons........

And finally, RM and I recorded a demo of a song called 'Overwhelming Me' last night which turned out pretty well; once you get past the initial shakey start!

...love it or loath it? LS is now listed as "no longer in a relationship"! It kinda feels a bit like stalking finding out this kind of information about people.

I know it's completely optional but the lack of privacy is quite stunning when I think about it. I can find out what my friends (or ex-friends even) are doing, where they've been, who they have their photographs taken with etc......being a sensible business man (really!) I wonder if my profile should be a bit less wacky that it is. But then I figure that's just me! I am as sensible as necessary at work even though we usually manage to have a good laugh and still get the job done. But what if a potential client managed to view my profile - what would they think?!?!!

I don't care to be honest. I am very curious about LS though.....will see........

At 16:54 today I heard my first Christmas song of the year. It was Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'.

I received equal amounts of ridicule/congratulations for my antics on Saturday night. Including "Legend" from a complete unknown! SW spent all day texting me yesterday (and I her obviously). But it feels weird! Maybe if I hadn't lied about my age it wouldn't be as bad....!

I may have missed out on some naughtiness on friday but I made up for it last night!

Went out with CA in Middlesbrough. Went to a house party and drank the infamous punch I had heard so much about (and yes it was good!). Left there about 11pm to go to Empire.

I was a bit concerned with CA was sick twice on route! Especially as he's been my drinking buddy for about 13 years now and I can't recall him over being sick on a night out before! Still, he "manned up" and kept on drinking.

Had a good old explore of Empire (three floors, one gents toilet!) before settling down to some good old fashioned crazy drunken dancing. Many silly photographs were taken which I'm sure I'll see tomorrow (if they're not on facebook already!), crazy "chicken" masks were obtained from somewhere and worn etc.

Headed back downstairs to hear some different music/dance. And one the dance floor I saw this incredibly good looking girl. Now, I'm not the most confident of people so I didn't waste one second thinking about this. I simply marched straight over, shook her hand and said "my name is Earl"!

Later SW (said girls' initials) would confirm this as "chat up line of the century".

Jumped ahead a bit there....we got talking and dancing. Incredibly dirty dancing which lead to kissing which lead to full on snogging which lead to me fingering her in the middle of the dance floor. In my mind I was quite subtle and covered it with my drink (held in the other hand obviously) but who knows? We certainly didn't get thrown out.

I did become slightly self-conscious when she started to unbutton my trousers so that's the moment I suggested going somewhere "a little more private". Unfortunately that's also the moment that her (and her friends ) taxi had arrived and she had to go. Gutted. But luckily I was brave enough to ask her for her number which I got. She actually looked slightly surprised that I asked for. As well as very pleased. And she left having never learned my real name.

By this time we had lost a lot of the original group but there still a few standing so we stayed at Empire til it closed (around 3 I think). Then we decided to go to Arena! They tried to charge us £7 each to get in but I haggled a bit. Sadly Arena was pretty dead, but we stayed til 5 anyway! I managed to bag a set of fake Halloween scary teeth which I "disinfected" with my corona and proudly wore.

To be honest, after the SW incident I was high as a kite and not on any kind of drug. OK the bad news; SW is 17. I told her two "white" lies. One was that my name was Earl which was blatantly obviously a lie and she knew this. The other, more significant, was I told her I was 25 (I'm 30 but can definitely pass as 25).

I woke up this morning with the worlds biggest grin. It's still there. This girl was absolutely stunning and I pulled her! It's good for the self-esteem especially when it's particularly low. But I decided that I wouldn't do anything. I really didn't know what kind of text message I could have sent; what words could I possibly string together?

And then? I get a text message from her (I rang her after getting her number so she had mine) which said "Come on then "Earl"...Whats your real name? Lol x"

I like Earl. He's good for me sometimes I have been texting her all day and she seems really nice. I don't know what is going to happen but something I hope......

No sex (damnit) but I almost slept with someone whom I definitely shouldn't have last night. One of my best friends ex's to be precise. This was after she's suggested/recommended that I date her 17 year old daughter!

Actually it was an odd day all yesterday really. In the evening I had many people come and ask why we weren't playing which was nice. During the day I saw a mother and daughter in front of me in the bank who were dressed identically. Plus they had the same tattoos in the same places as each other. It was really quite freaky and I wondered if they were prostitutes and that was their gimmick. I didn't ask but I kinda wish I had now. Either that or there's a father and son combo going around who would be a perfect match for them.....

Bah, no gig this week as the pub is being treated for woodworm and we've all had to remove our stuff from the upstairs/rehearsal room. Which is a real shame as I have learned the solo for 'Hard Day's Night' perfectly and am well on my way to nailing the solo from Guns n Roses' version of 'Knocking On Heavens Door'.

Ah well, will hopefully have completely got it by next week, which is Children In Need night and should have a good turn out.

Oh, and I bought myself an early Xmas present today;

and it rocks! I feel like a proper guitar player now.....

So, other news? None really. Having another night out in M on Saturday which should be good. And on friday I may actually get to be intimate with a woman! We'll see. I promise details if I do.....

Sometimes I think I'm the luckiest person in the world. And sometimes I think the opposite. I flick flimsily between contrasting roles of optimist and pessimist. I can be confident and out-going and still be completely lacking in self-confidence. I can stand in front of 100+ people and sing and play guitar and still not really believe that I can do it. I'm up-beat and cheerful yet inside is darkness that I don't share. Except here maybe.

I have a confidant. In fact I have a few but nowadays I don't see them as often as I would like so it builds up I guess.

I just watched an episode of 'How I Met Your Mother' which was awfully close to home (the same reason I had to abort watching 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'); it was about holding on to anger and the gradual/eventual release there of. I have a lot of anger towards J at the moment, despite us splitting up in early June. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't ever want to see her ever again in my whole life which is a shame as we have mutual friends (who are in essence "her" friends at the end of the day).

But they stay in touch with me. In fact, one of them (LT), has been a brilliant friend to me and is one of the afore-mentioned confidants. Her closeness with me was in fact a sore spot with J before we split up; for absolutely no reason except perhaps that LT got on much better with me that she did with J herself. J actually jokingly(?) said one day in private to me that she thought she should just let me go and let LT and I get together. I laughed. But now a lot of my friends are saying the same thing which is a weird feeling. Not one person has said my dating of J was a good idea, unlike the girl I dated before her who everyone unanimously said was perfect for me. With the obvious exception but he will never approve of anyone I like!

So anyway, I've started writing songs again which is a good feeling. Today I wrote a song called 'It's Only Love' and yesterday I wrote 'Vanity'. 'It's Only Love' is blatantly about J and came out the HIMYM episode mentioned above. And 'Vanity' is about someone I've met through work whom I don't know at all but makes me annoyingly cheerful.

I'm currently listening to an awesome band called 'Oh Laura', their song 'Release Me' was featured on a car advert (apparently) and is really good! The rest of the album is pretty cool too.

Last night I watched Pineapple Express and it was brilliant. Granted some of the reviews were rubbish but it cracked me up, much more than Tropic Thunder (which was still very good!).

One of the criticisms it received was that it was only for stoners. Well as a dedicated non-stoner (never have, never will) I still found it hilarious.

KP added me on MySpace today

I don't know quite how I managed it but I had another fake wedding at approximately 3:30am this morning! I promised my new bride that I would find her on facebook (which I have). I remember the girl, I remember the place but for the life of me I can't remember which English words, strung into sentences, lead to this impromptu wedding! Ah well...

Still no sex though. You'd think with two wives it would be possible but apparently not.

In other news, my guitar playing was complimented very highly by a random stranger on saturday night. And I've just returned from Harrogate and my third gig in four days which was excellent.

And yesterday a top night was held by nearly all; even though we ended up running full pelt for the train at both ends of the day! And that was the drunkest I have been for a very long time....which is possibly how most ad-hoc weddings occur.....

Had a great time in Glasgow on Thursday watching Gun. And unlike the closed town I live in I actually felt like I fitted in a rock show in a major city. By "fitted in" I mean I got chatted up left, right and centre! Of course, maybe my AAA pass helped....

Actually in all seriousness, I frustratingly met a really nice girl (lets call her KP) who I spent most of the night talking too. She promised that when I go back to Glasgow she'd take me to a cool rock club. Oh and she has a cool Led Zeppelin tattoo on her back which I liked.

Then last night I went to see Bryan Adams live and acoustic which was also brilliant; basically Bryan and an acoustic guitar (occasionally assisted by a great piano player) telling stories about the songs and playing them! A few of his latest '11' album but the majority was the old favorites - excluding 'Everything I Do' surprisingly...

Got home, went to club with C and got torn into by K who was there with...someone I didn't expect her to be with. Some discretion is required here so this is as much a reminder for me as anyone who may (or may not) be reading.

I did get an apology from her today at least. Still haven't replied to one phone call or text message....